New Year Res

Before I made any new resolutions, I thought it'd be a good idea to look back at last year's and see how I made out. Here's the one I posted last year...

"Stop wasting your time, your energy, your emotions, on people that don't deserve it or appreciate it. Instead of spreading yourself thin, focus more on culturing the relationships that bring you joy, and that you can add value to. Love yourself even more than you did last year. Believe in the best version of yourself. Listen more and talk less. Be the kind of person that you want others to see in you. And always, always see the good in everyone."

And as I read that, I remember how I felt at the beginning of last year, so full of hopes and expectations, so pleased at the previous year for all of its accomplishments. I felt so strong, so confident, and with that came excitement for the coming year, with all its new experiences and growth...I had no clue what was coming. To say this year had its share of challenges would be an understatement. Without tedious details, I feel like 2011 knocked the wind out of me. I spent most of the year just trying to breathe and do my best to look ahead for the "something better" I had to believe was coming. (It's why I didn't blog much this year...I didn't want to be living in my world, much less writing about it.)

So did I keep my resolutions? Let's see. I did a better job of figuring out which relationships I should be focusing on. I learned a little more about who I could count on, and who I couldn't, though I'm still working on that. And I did my best to see the good in everyone.

Where I may have failed is in the more personal side of that resolution. I lost a little faith in myself this year. I wasn't as strong as I wanted to be, wasn't as strong as I wanted everyone else to think I was. When the storms came, I didn't fall, but I wavered a little.

But with the realization that this new year will bring new challenges comes the reassurance that I have the power to decide how I react to them. With that in mind, here's the resolutions I wrote to myself for 2012...

"Believe in yourself. Keep dreaming. But don't just dream...grow your dreams. Count your blessings more frequently than your bills. Speak slowly and with purpose. Continue to be a better listener. Pause long enough to find beauty where it's unexpected. And most importantly, have a closer relationship with your heavenly Father."

Why I Want to Date John Mayer

Here I am, three o'clock in the morning, too much iced tea, now I can't sleep. What to do...watch YouTube videos of anything John Mayer related. Not really sure how that started, was just wandering around on YouTube when I remembered an episode of CMT Crossroads with John Mayer and Keith Urban that I wanted to relive. And it just snowballed from there...not the first time that's happened. He has a way of sort of sucking you into his energy somehow. You just want to see more...and more. To pass the time, here's some documented reasons why I'd like to date John Mayer.

Those roguish good looks. Can't deny it, everybody knows it, no one more than John himself, I'm sure. Can't put my finger on it exactly...is it the dark, wavy hair that always manages to look so touchable? The lazy, half-closed, bedroom eyes? The full lips that contort in so many ridiculous ways when he performs?

But maybe it's more than the looks. No, it definitely is. There's this charisma, this cockiness, that's magnetic and not the least bit hindered by his mischievous, somewhat boyish charm. Hard to describe. Some kind of egotistical, devil-may-care, I-haven't-quite-grown-up-yet attitude coupled with a quirky sense of humor that sometimes comes off as a little asinine, but secretly can be very attractive. After all, what girl doesn't want to be with a guy with such an ultra-personality, who knows who he is in each moment? But then there's that guarded side of his, when he says too little, gets standoffish, defensive, protective. I admired him for saying what he wanted, for speaking his mind, even when it didn't always portray him in the best light. I admired him even more when he stopped doing that, and instead left the mainstream and became quietly private about everything. It displayed this multi-faceted quality about him that's utterly fascinating. How much of this is just a series of perfectly calculated maneuvers on his part, I'll never know, but it's working for him.

Another thing about him that's fascinating? His mind. The guy is really, really intelligent...in a crazy, brilliant, nerdy, creative way. Just listening to him speak, his vocabulary, his unusual thought process, it's mesmerizing. I would sit perfectly still and listen to him talk for hours if I had the opportunity. In fact, I'd like to take a journey inside his head for a day, just to see what it's like inside that neurotic, type-A brain. That'd be one wild ride. Back in the day, I joined Twitter to follow John Mayer. He was the best of the best at one-liners and random bits of anything and everything. I'm still sad he's not doing it anymore.

But it's more than all this. Watching videos of some of his performances and remembering what it was like to be at one of his live concerts, I'm trying to put my finger on just what it is about John Mayer that's so unequivocally captivating. Is it the tilt of his head, his lips on the microphone when he sings? That deep, gravelly voice or the way his long, graceful fingers slide over the strings with a familiarity that'd make you swear his guitar was an extension of himself? But no, it's more than that, too. I was watching this video of a live performance of possibly my favorite JM song when it hit me. What he does, the art that he creates, is so beautiful. Watching him perform, you can see into his soul, his heart, feel his passion. He creates this energy, and you want to just reach out and touch it, wrap it around you until you're enveloped in it, anything to be a part of his light. That's it. You just want to be "where the light is."